Jokes

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The Old Boat

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There were these twins, Jim and John.

Jim was the owner of an old dilapidated boat. It just so happened that John's wife died the same day Jim's boat sank.

A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Jim and mistaking him for John said "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must feel terrible." Jim, thinking she was talking about his boat said "Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her.

She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottoms was all shriveled up and she smelled like an old dead fish.

She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too.

Every time I used her, the hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time.

I warned them she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools all tried to get in her at once and she split right up the middle" The old woman fainted.

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The Pharmacist

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A boy decided to have a dinner with his girlfriend parents.

Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.

The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.

The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.

"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.

The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."